Why?

I was standing on the edge
On the bank of the Jordan
My foot was ready to touch the water
And I turned around
I turned around to settle for mediocre
To do what I am best at
Instead of faith, I chose familiarity
I decided to please everyone else
But not my God

Why?

In the quiet of this morning
My soul is in torment
Since the day I ran
I have become an empty shell
I am starving
And Jesus wants nothing more
Than to give me the Bread of Life

This is what I am hearing...

"I was ready to set you free
But you chose your chains

Remember the rooster crowing...?

Drop your net and follow Me"

What Jesus is calling me to
Makes no sense to the world
Maybe even no one close
I must dig deep
Striving to be great in His Kingdom
When everyone else wants to keep me at their level

It is easy for me to be great
If I stay on the beaten path
But it takes deep faith
To step away from the familiar
To be a servant speaking the Truth
To be a slave showing the Way
To be a fool in love with his Savior

Dominicana

This is the last entry in my journal from the Dominican Republic mission trip back in June of 2015.

June 27, 2015
Well it is done, but far from over. Dominicana is for real. I made some good friends: Brandon, Matt, Pete, Laura, Rachael, Drew, Jonathan, Pastor Julio, Melvin, and Victor. I got to know better many of my teammates, but most of all, I was drawn closer to my God. He put a call on my heart. I have known for quite a while that I am meant to help others and then "BAM", there it is, I am a missionary!

Dominicana
That is what I am calling it
The people, the culture
Their scars and their needs

But why should I care?

Well, God loves them
Unconditionally and unfailingly
And He commands me to do the same

I have never been so far away from home
Yet the feeling of home remains
As I am so close to my loving Father
His providence is evident

So, when I see the people here
I am looking through His eyes
It is the only way to love

The Ticker

My heart has a door
With a broken hinge
In futility, my effort
to hold stuff in
Has led me
To the Master's hands
They hold the key
To the corroded lock
Which I use as an excuse
To harbor all that's not right
The challenge for Him
Is not the lock or the hinge
It's finding room
In my roughshod ticker
To put all His goodness in
Still, really, no task at all
He shapes me as He wants
Making my heart
In the form of His love
Though, just a few sizes too small
So that without a lock
Or even a door
His love spills out
For me to share
With a world in disrepair

I Ran

I am a runner
To see me
You would think otherwise
I am a physical train wreck

Okay, how about this
I am a confused runner
I should be running for my health
Not running from my God

What is most important?
Pleasing you?
Pleasing me?
Or pleasing my Father?

I can pretend
That everything is okay
Or become vulnerable
And trust my Father

I can sit in a pit
And drown in despair
Or
I can love my Father

I can come to the truth
Realizing this
When God says "do not put any idols before me"
He means it

I can despair
I can pretend
I can run
Or I can let go

Let go of the fear
And know this
That I am redeemed
I am the child of the One True King

He relentlessly pursues me
His love abounds with grace and mercy
I have tasted and seen His goodness
Content in that, I shall choose to abide in Him